“My Fight out of Religion into Healing” was my baby. A baby I abandoned when some events took place in my personal and business relationships. In all these relationships The Holy Spirit had given me the green light to allow these individuals close contact with me. Unfortunately I had to learn through experience that even though people “are saved” “Baptised” “attend Church” that does not mean their motives (mind and emotions) along with their intentions (work) are pure. Another thing I had to learn through experience is, GOD, can and will ordain people to do life together, whether it be friendship(s), business. God will ordain people to do life together, but it is up to all individuals to make a decision to do life together. A great example, usually when a marriage is in trouble, one of the spouse(s) request counselling and the other objects. Counselling will not be affective if the other party sees no need for counselling. Talk about vision and values.
May I be honest and say I just got back into praying and hoping. Now when I say I just got back I’m talking about end of September.
Let’s title this past season “Trials, Temptation and Trials” this is the editing process.
Holy Spirit- “Precious Rose, let’s talk about, My fight out Religion into Healing?”
Travonna- “Okay”
Holy Spirit – “Thank you, I would like to start with the 5year relationship. That is what many know you by and often bring up that relationship. Many have labeled you based on assumptions and what was said about you. I know you’ve been hurt, your side has never been heard, I silenced you for a purpose. I know my silencing you reflected your childhood and up bringing in your family home. Would you allow me to teach you and heal you?”
Travonna- “Lord, I’m over this. I do not understand why we have to do it. So no”
3 days later
Travonna – “Lord, I’m sorry! On Monday I said I didn’t want to talk about the 5year relationship. Please forgive me? May we talk now?”
Holy Spirit- “I forgive you Precious Rose, and I understand why you are over it. But I would like to show you a pattern in all your relationships. A pattern I do not desire for you to continue nor your children to inherit. A pattern I do not want it to lead to another divorce. I know your unspoken fears my child. I see your heart and I hear your cries”
Travonna – “This sounds like a long talk, but okay. I surrender my mind and heart to you. May I be slow in my response. May I allow you to complete your sentence and may I sit through the process in Jesus name Amen”
Holy Spirit- “Well done. End of 2013, October to be particular, You Travonna ended what we both know as a sistuationship, you were working and saving up to travel to Canada in August 2014. Is that correct.”
Travonna- “WOW, I forgot. Yes!”
Holy Spirit- “Hmm, what happened April 2014?”
Travonna- “I took him back, I gave him another chance”
Holy Spirit- “Why?”
Travonna- “I saw his potential, his potential matched my dreams”
Holy Spirit- “So you took him back based on potential and not forgiveness? And mind you your dreams were rather small then. Own a construction company and travel. That’s to small for you Travonna. You had settled.”
Travonna- “Yes Lord”
Holy Spirit- “April 2014, that is when he became your god, that is when he became your identity. It’s very true you’ve never known yourself, your worth nor your value. Up until 2013 he medicated your unspoken pain”
Travonna – “Hmm, something is rising up as you speak”
Holy Spirit- “Care to share?”
Travonna- “My family! I worshiped my family, I served my family. My family were my idols. I protected my sister whenever my parents wanted to “discipline” her. And when I was in trouble she’s never fought for me. I always would look for my mother and ask her to play with me. I copied the way she dressed, I always would wear her red sparkling dress and black thick heels whenever I would play a lawyer or teacher. I listened to her, as she would tell my uncles off for they actions and coming home late. I watched her as I saw her build our house in Bulawayo. I listened to her as she spoke highly of my father. I closely observed my father in his words and actions. He worked hard, he gave a lot, he didn’t accept anything from anyone and he didn’t say much, two words was a lot it appeared. And when I was misunderstood, rejected, compared, judged and abandoned, I could not understand what was going on. I was trying to be like my family, because I did not know how to fight and believe for my thoughts, feelings and wants. I became scared of my family even my younger sister. I wanted to impress them so bad. I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to do something with my dad that did not say boy activities (such as riding the bike or fishing). I wanted to play fashion with my mum and not sit and watch TV all day. I wanted to be best friends with my sister, I shared with her my dreams and secrets, unfortunately it was never the same for me. So being with him filled that unspoken void.”
Holy Spirit – “I am proud of your growth, your articulation and freedom of expression is becoming more clearer and accurate as you continue to dive deeper into the word”
Travonna- “This is painful”
Holy Spirit- “The Truth and healing process is painful. It’s time for you to stop mopping people’s decisions to their choice of lifestyle and start creating your own Travonna Louzel, get a glass of water, 10 minute break”
Travonna- “thanks”
Holy Spirit- ” I know you see their potential. I know you desire to be finally heard and celebrated by your family, but my child in the mist of it all you are hurting yourself and those I am calling to do life with you, you are hurting them by not opening up. Give love a chance! You deserve it. You are love. I have not left you and I will not leave you. I am beside you. And you will not repeat the patterns you saw. You are mine, give love a chance”
Travonna- “😂😂 work sounds alright to me, I’ve got a lot to learn anyway”
Holy Spirit- “May we move on?”
Travonna – “please do 😊”
Holy Spirit – ” fake smile at its best, now from your perspective please tell me the breakdown with your mother, what is the root”
Travonna- “hmm, well hmm…. yeah I don’t know”
Holy Spirit- “say that very thing you’ve been told”
Travonna – “the lad, 5year relationship. Which is false.”
Holy Spirit- “Girl, you growing up. See what healing from within does, now with the help of The Holy Spirit set yourself free. What is the root of the breakdown with your mother?”
Travonna- “The attention I wanted from my mother she gave to my cousin”
Holy Spirit- “very true, now do you see why you’ve fought for both your sisters the way you’ve fought for them?, you didn’t want them to experience pain, because you knew and felt the pain of being misunderstood and rejected by both your parents. They may have not experienced it in words and time. But whenever you saw them being shouted at, being corrected you stood up and took the blame, you stood up and took the hiding. I’m sorry Precious Rose”
Travonna – “Tears 😭”
Holy Spirit- “Remember your tears are a prayer, it maybe hard for you to speak now, you maybe shaking but know I hear you and I see you. When you are ready we may continue”
5 minutes later
Holy Spirit— “Did you ever lie to lad about your relationship with your mum? By this I mean whenever he came to the house and you and your mum would argue, you would say your mum is your best friend that is how you talk to each other”
Travonna— “Yes”
Holy Spirit- “Why”
Travonna – “I’ve always been afraid of telling people the truth about my family. I’ve always thought they was something wrong with me, as I’ve been told I’m Bi-Polar. I’ve been told I’m a diva. I’ve always been afraid to tell the truth as I’ve gotten in trouble for telling the truth”
Holy Spirit- “So In 2014 when he said you were a diva and you asked to go for counselling, how did you feel?”
Travonna- “I snapped, I slapped him on his knee. I had just returned from TAFE and the lecturer had said I would not be able to graduate I’m behind with an assignment. I tried calling him on my way home, he didn’t answer and when he finally got home I told him, he showed no interest. I took his phone away and I slapped his knee I told him to move out”
Holy Spirit- “around what time was this?”
Travonna- “October 2014, 2 months married”
Holy Spirit- “Do you understand why October to December it appears these a pattern with sistuationships? Worth and Value (Identity). In your lineage who’s birthdays are between October and December? Are they together? Break that curse, be with the man I’ve called you to be with. What else?”
Travonna- “The night of our wedding I saw on his phone, he was in contact with someone and a few weeks later three people from the bridal team told me in private that he said “his not married, he was drunk when he said his vows”
Holy Spirit- “so when you snapped from a word “diva” along with all of these events what happened?”
Travonna- “I compared him to my dad. My dad is not a cheater, my dad takes care of us, he puts things together around the house”
Holy Spirit- “I’m not blaming you, but do you see why he snapped? Broken and broken coming together to create what?”
Travonna- “Broken”
Holy Spirit- “you’ve said you’ve never wanted to get married and have children, which the root is not selfishness sweetheart. Stop picking up people’s definitions placed on you and making them your own. The truth is you’ve always desired more for yourself in life and you never wanted to do to your children what you experienced and you never wanted a man to be the centre of your world. Which I may say you were heading there in 2014. So tell me what were your motives for marrying him?”
Travonna- “14 June 2014, Tuesday night he came to my house. I was asleep, I had an early shift. He came into my room after a few guesses I finally said it “Your paper work”……”
Holy Spirit- “a generational cycle, you all play god by trying to fix people’s problems and then when you get hurt you blame me and turn to worshiping other gods”
Holy Spirit- “Okay, enough of this one. I want to move on to gentleman. You knew he was seeing someone at the time?”
Travonna- “Yes”
Holy Spirit- “So you settled why?”
Travonna- “I no longer cared”
Holy Spirit- “So you did to another woman what was done to you. You’ve never stopped and taken care of Travonna, you’ve been working and focused on impressing your parents in the mist of it all you’ve hurt people and you’ve definitely injured yourself. I’ll talk it’s okay. The doctor will get to work”
Holy Spirit- “you’ve never been taught to be a woman. All the women in your lineage celebrate and worship the men whilst neglecting yourselves. Do you see the root of 2003? Moving on to Mr. 2017, why?”
Travonna- “I was finally with a coloured right? Over the years I’ve been questioned why am I not with my own people. Over the years I’ve been referred as both these men’s ex. Over the years I’ve been compared with current and previous. I’ve never had my own and he was my own kind. A Coloured, we like the same music and we had fun”
Holy Spirit- “l’m sorry you didn’t know yourself and unfortunately your background did not allow you to express yourself. But going back 2017, you actually have been with a coloured. 2007 the only person who has said “Travonna may you please be my girl friend. The only guy that I can stand up and genuinely say you liked, cared and loved. You did not expect anything from him. He knew everything about you and you knew everything about him. Now my child I want you to see something moving forward, knowing who you are as an individual and creating your own path in life is important. People will put definitions on you. People will misunderstand your heart. Not everyone sees/hears and feels like Travonna. Your own family does not think like Travonna. Fight for Travonna, I’m giving you the permission not to fit in. It’s okay let them call you a celebrity. It’s okay let them call you a diva. It’s okay let them curse but You Travonna Louzel stand firm on your Vision, Values and Boundaries. We’ve come far, to allow broken hearts to distract us. With this being said, I would like to return to your mum”
Travonna- “Okay”
Holy Spirit- “please give her a chance, she really is trying to get to know you. Be her friend and create space for her. I know you don’t like her choice of topics. But you create the space and I will be there. You are both nowhere near mother and daughter conversation. So just be friends, get to know her. She will make mistakes, so will you. But keep pushing”
Travonna- “Sure,”
Holy Spirit- “What about you go get your nails done with her?”
Travonna- “I would like that, but is it her thing? May you please put it in her heart”
Holy Spirit- “yes ma’am. Now to your father”
Travonna- “yeah”
Holy Spirit- “Travonna, I see you trying and I hear your plans to go to a basketball game with him. My child, you both don’t know each other. In your pursuit of trying to talk to him, his got to desire a relationship further than father and child. And I am not going to allow you to continue hoping and planning only to be rejected. Let go, focus on your healing. Live for Travonna Louzel and no one else.
Holy Spirit- “I am very proud of the effort you are making to get to know your cousin. You are both doing a great job”
Holy Spirit- “To your sisters, keep praying, this is generational, keep praying.”
Travonna- “This is a lot to take in”
Holy Spirit- “I’m saying it today, because I’ve prepared your mind and heart and I know your faith can carry it” —— “so let’s address the prophetic word now, do you see why it did not come to pass?”
Travonna— “Yes, my actions, words, mind and heart did not align with your Will for my life”
Holy Spirit- “Correct, what is the last lie you told”
Travonna- ” I lied that I had graduated, I wanted my dad to talk to me. From December I’ve been trying to get his attention. I apologised for the sake of having him talk to me. But the lie and countless hellos did not help”
Holy Spirit- “baby, please live your life. Allow me to teach you who Travonna Louzel is outside from Samuels. Allow me to surround you with a community that will celebrate you. Allow me to teach you what love and unity is”
Holy Spirit- “You okay to keep going?”
Travonna- “Yes”
Holy Spirit- “Let’s address friendship, I repeat you’ve never been taught how to be and how to carry yourself as a woman let alone a lady. You’ve been taught how to dress, talk, act and eat like a lady. However true womanhood begins from within. Yep #insidematters. You’ve never been taught how to celebrate and communicate with women. So I’m not surprised why majority of your surroundings have been with males. I am not surprised at the fact why you can talk to males better than females. To your friends, you’ve practically have only had two friends, I’m talking about of resent. Your childhood it was just that neighbours playing together. So (1) I closed that door in 2016 because the season was up. (2) I told you to close that door in 2017, because I knew your cry, you wanted to connect with yourself. And on your journey to unlearning and learning you would have hurt her”
Holy Spirit- “you’ve given many of your ideas, solutions, strategies and processes for free. You did not know yourself and In not knowing yourself you did not believe in what was coming out of you and you did not believe that you could do it. You a legend and I can’t wait to see you fight solider. This time with clarity and discernment.”
Holy Spirit- “I have one question for you before we clock off, would you share your raw truth? People know the what, would you share the why?
*This level of intimacy does not come without a fight both in the natural and spiritual realm. Worship and Prayer are essential. The more you push the clearer you receive the details and instructions.*
I will see you at “The Communicator that history said no, But God said Let’s Go”