December 2018, The breakdown with my dad. I will not go into the details. I will say the breakdown was related to Religion. I come from a household that knows the law (Religion) but is not aware of the love (Relationship) of Jesus. This breakdown is not because my dad desires to course pain toward me. It’s simply put as spiritual perspective, (You believe in the same God however your practices are different), in the mist of your differences and unresolved conflict along with negative one communication a breakdown is bond to happen.
I can only speak from this perspective because I have healed from it. It’s taken me over 8 months to allow The Holy Spirit to show me His perspective.
So often different events take place in life but somehow the wounds of a different event can be reopened by a recent case. For me tone and delivery will heal or hurt my scars.
Being in the presence of God allows me to see my dad the way God sees him. So many of us distance ourselves from those we care about simply because we are tired.
Tired of old scars turning into new wounds!
Tired of being misunderstood and rejected!
Tired of being compared and abandoned!
Tired of the disrespect and false hope!
Boundaries are important and at times space is necessary. In the past I was the the queen of blocking you.
Listen,
I have a qualification in walking past you everyday and not verbalising anything to you but on the inside cursing you. I know I’m not alone in this impure movement.
December 2018, surprisingly 3 days before the 24th (I tell you something happens between the months of October and December with me).
My movement to self for self #InsideMatters was birthed. The Holy Spirit simply and patiently said “This is bigger than you Precious Rose”.
Here’s the thing, I didn’t know, when that situationship marriage came to an end in 2014, my dad became my medicine without me knowing.
So when the event titled “conflicts not addressed” Published December 2018, surfaced with delivery that signifies power and a tone that justified authority. I found myself searching for yet another emotional connection.
Let’s reverse shall we,
2015-2016, I was yet in another situationship, that lasted longer than a night. When the gentleman and I went our separate ways over a conversation one night. I recall him and I talking about God working on us separately. I was a “New Christian”, had been baptised little over 7-8 months. Begun attending Bible College (that was therapy for me).
The week prior to our conversation I had just learnt about the trinity and I had just purchased “The Wait” by DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good. At the end of goodbye I hung up and laughed. Lights off in my sleepwear I laughed and stumbled over “didn’t I like this guy? Why aren’t I crying?” I heard a gentle voice, with panic I quickened to the fridge grabbed a bottle of wine and glass, lights on and attempted to read The Bible. 😂😂 That picture it self will have you laughing.
A few weeks pasted, at this point in was 2017. 2017 I struggled to read The Bible. Some will refer to it as spiritual warfare, today I’m thankful for that year through trial and temptation 2017 was the year I would learn discernment. In the mist of that trial and temptation I would entertain yet another sistuationship along the season of October to December. In the middle of the act, clear as water, gentle as a lullaby “You have cheated on your husband.”
“Immediately, get up and leave now” please may someone tell me, how do you tell someone, “I’ve got to leave now, a voice just told me to leave, I’ve cheated on my husband.”
How?
I did not leave immediately but I left and we’ve not spoken since. Shame, I don’t blame him.
But that encounter would be the wheels into my desire to know God for myself.
So often we function on our parents and grandparents faith and beliefs frameworks and when trials, temptation and defeat meet us in the mist of our weaknesses we fall. In the mist of our fall we blame God and those around us. But imagine the things we could avoid if we were intentional in knowing The Holy Spirit and through The Holy Spirit we learn to fall in love and respect ourselves. The best kind of love you will ever give is the love you give yourself from within. The best rose you will ever receive is the rose titled “you are healed from within go out and soar”