Your purpose is often hidden in your deepest cry. Your purpose is often found in what you take for granted. Your purpose is often misunderstood and overlooked by those near and dear to you. Your purpose is often found in what they trial you on.
From a young age, I was often referred to as the researcher,investigator and reporter. Unfortunately these name tags were passed down during moments of defeat. As I write, fear creeps in, but I am at the stage in my journey I know my story will serve someone’s healing process. I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer.
During my schooling years, I enjoyed History, Politics and Law, English and Business Enterprises. Often my Politics and Law, English and Business Enterprises teachers would ask “Travonna, have you thought about why you want to be a lawyer?” My response was straightforward “to help children and women.” How will you do that they would ask. Blank faced, not because I didn’t know why. Blank faced because I didn’t know how to express what was in my heart and what my young eyes could see and little ears could hear.
I saw and heard your cries! The young me would fight for the voices of the young child and the pained woman. Only for me to be misunderstood and cursed. My heart grew numb overtime. Wow! This is actually healing as I write. A part of me wants to cut this conversation short, but I know I must keep writing. May I please just say you matter. May I please just say you have a voice, whether you struggle to express yourself, to put a sentence together or maybe, no one is taking the time to be patient as you try and learn to express yourself. May I please just say you matter and that you serve a purpose on This Earth.
Maybe you don’t know why you are alive today, but please hang on. I don’t know when your process will make sense. I don’t know who is coming to walk beside you. As you wait on your process to make sense, I probably can tell you about my friend who found me and chose me at my last planned breath. As the week of Mental Health is coming to a close, I struggled “Lord what is mental health?”
Looking back I have struggled with my mental wellbeing, so often we face things but don’t have a name for. Many of times we medicate our thoughts and feelings with drugs, sex, alcohol and religion only to find out these things will only numb the pain for awhile. As I’ve mentioned in my previous post(s), words are powerful and I don’t know where your mental health traces from.
As for my lineage our mental wellbeing is the root of language and religion. The greatest fights you will ever hear, if only we could see where the devil is dividing us. My forefathers and the current generation we cannot make up our minds. When times get hard, we often surrender to other gods, sistuationships (an intimate encounter with no definition from the beginning) alcohol, sex, religion, work, comparison and finances.
I hope you realise, IN ALL OF THIS WE ARE LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION. But what we have failed to realise the connection we need is with SELF and THE ONE WHO CREATED SELF. Today I am thankful I did not become the human rights lawyer I wanted to be, I am thankful because I would have led my clients into deeper pain simply because I had not sat with myself and dealt with my pain.
So as I learn to to Seek, Serve and Obey One God and allow Him to teach me to date and connect with myself, I hope you will dine with me. As I learn to heal the matters of the mind and heart that have kept my lineage from living in the promised land. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube and SnapChat at Travonna Louzel.
On my channels you are to expect content on a young lady learning to walk and live in her power of Worth and Value. Bare with me, as I learn to express myself in a public arena. See you soon!